I know that for the past few days I've been mainly posting photos of my kids. When I used to teach photojournalism I forbade my students to hand in cute kiddie shots -- they're too easy. I think though that I've been in a slow recovery from a really long, tough time, where I was focused on disaster control much of the time and not as present with my children as I aspire to be. So I'm crazy tired these days, and lost a bunch of weight I could ill afford to lose during all those long days of anxiety and figurative -- albeit a lot closer to actual than I'm gracefully able to deal with -- homelessness.
I'm home now, in my wonderful new house, and having a roof over me and a floor under me gives me the strength and stability to push back against all the other problems weighing down our life, the three of us, mama and Jack and Cole. And as a result I feel like I'm able to just be with them again, simply be in their presence and appreciate all the moments of innocent fun instead of trying to act like everything's ok while inside I'm secretly and completely decompensating due to fear that I won't be able to make a good life for us.
So the small moments, recently, have been huge. Like Groucho fake-nose-and-glasses on Jack, smiling in all his goofy innocence. I strove my utmost to shield my boys from the worst of the recent turbulence, and we got through. Now I can rejoin them. No photo, but I wore the Groucho glasses too, yesterday, for a good long while, and felt how laughter washes clean the weary soul.
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